No, but the funniest shit here is the dog’s face at the very beginning. He’s like: “we’re rolling? Okay. Here we go.”
omg I was changing into my pjs and finally saw what they did to me today and just grazing my fingers over the catheter feels so weird and just akjfnsfdjnvefvjks
omg I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just weird and there’s a small bump right where it is and I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT RIGHT UNDER MY SKIN AND JUST HOW DOES ONE EXPLAIN WHAT I AM FEELING??
dammit I have the word in spanish but not in english
WHAT THE FUCK, I JUST- BUT-
NO, WHY TRISHA? WHY THE FUCK HER OMG NO!! NO NO NO NO, NOT HER, FUCKING HELL!!
I just….. no.
Ugh stupid Mendez, that fucking, sick minded pig, I HATE HIM
and I’m up at 8am to do my schedule for next semester. After going to bed at 3am (I couldn’t manage to fall asleep).
This is like the only sacrifice I do on vacations.
Maybe I should be sleeping instead of just lying awake in my bed letting all these thoughts take control. Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about all that might happen or let fear take control because I know it’sthe worst I can do. But when it’s 2am and the world is quiet and you have no one to run to because you just don’t wanna be that selfish and disrupt your parents’ or your loved ones sleep just to fuck them over some more with this problem, it’s not that easy. I shouldn’t be looking at myself in the mirror so much and just point out how my skin is now all fucked up thanks to chemo or how my eyelashes are slowly starting to fall off, or thinking about when my hair starts to fall down for real. Because that’s just being fucking stupid. But that’s what my mind decided to do today and I just….well, I know I need to be strong and get fear out of my mind before it takes full control, and remember all the wise words I’ve recieved from my oncologyst, my family, my friends, and use them to attack my own mind.
Because it’s in times like this that I know I need to stay strong, fight back, and stand up every time I fall down.
Chemo might have some fucked up side effects, but it is my ally. Cancer is the real enemy in this battle.
He’s a real monster.